You are all sheep

So, President Bush is trying to save us from a recession by sending everyone who made less than $85,000 last year somewhere between $600 & $1200. In theory this could be a decent jumping point to do just that. If, that is, everyone were to be smart with their money. Most people will I'm sure will be fucking stupid though. There are two smart options that would help the economy, but then there are the millions of people who will fuck it all up.

Option number one is if you plan on spending the money. This is a rule you should follow all of the time, but no one really does because they are stupid. Buy only American made products that are sold at small "Mom & Pop" store as opposed to a huge chain store. This will help twofold. One by purchasing American made products you are creating a demand for American workers and products. Instead of buying a Sony TV, DVD player, or whatever it is you desire buy Phillips or some other American product. The more American products you buy the more money (and jobs for that matter) stay in America. By shopping at the Mom & Pop joints you are helping the little guy stay in business. Is it really going to make that big of a difference if you spend $50 less dollars at Wal-Mart? probably not. The extra money you spend there will then in turn stay in your community instead of padding the already overloaded bank account of Wal-Mart.

Smart option #2 would be to pay off then cut up and throw away your credit cards. I know its hard to get along without a credit card these days, but I know from experience that it can be done. If you need to keep one for emergencies fine, But I get along just fine with Pre-Paid cards and a Debit card. The reason this would help would be because it would free up more money that you the consumer would be able to put back into products like I mentioned above. Again it would only work if the products purchased were American made and purchased in small community stores. Any time Americans can get out of debt is a very good thing.

As I said before most people will probably just blow this money on things they don't need and really shouldn't buy. Go ahead America fuck it up again.

Infinite Forever

I am better than I have been,
I am not sleeping,
Sleep only comes in waves,
Drugs do nothing to aid,
Bloodshot eyes gaze through a clouded spectrum,
Tomorrow is here and I am unprepared,
The first wave hits like a brick wall,
Sleep dies like a gunshot,
Wave after wave,
In and out,
Pain consumes my brain,
Dirt fills my eyes,
Sleep comes again,
I hope I never wake again,
And I don't...
I am finally asleep,
Forever asleep,
I am better than I have been,
Burning through eternity,
Infinite forever.

The More Things Change

What the hell do I have to say?

I hate the truth.com commercials. I don't hate the cause. Being a semi-ex-smoker (and by that I mean I still smoke whenever I can just not constantly) I think trying to keep kids from even trying it is a VERY good thing, but the commercials are ridiculous. The one where there are 1,500 people standing outside of the cigarette company and they all "drop dead" at once is just gay. The one with the rats was worse. They only one that I did like was the one that had the cowboy with the voice box singing that fucking song. Now THAT was funny as hell. They need to have a singing-voice-box-cowboy in every one. Anyway, goddamn you truth.com stop being so retarded.

I think I may have resolved my issues with the band (we'll see what time tells). We are in talks with a booking company from Chicago, and they seem to be working on getting us some decent shows that actually pay well. Thats all I have ever really wanted from it. I just wanted to write music, play shows, and make enough money that its worth the cost of getting to the show. Every time gas prices go up it makes it less and less worth it to drive 200 miles to a show to make $100 especially since there are 6 of us. I really don't want much. Maybe enough to cover gas and have $50 to put in each of our pockets. The problem is there are so many goddamn shitty fucking bands out there that "just want to play for the exposure" that will play for $60 of worse yet for free, that bars and venues don't want to pay anything anymore. Then the venues expect YOU to pull in a crowed. It is fucking bullshit.

In the near future we are planning to bring a semi-big act to our town and play with them and hopefully make some money. The biggest possibility right now it God Forbid. That is huge because they are one of my favorite bands. Since I get 99.9999% of my music from limewire I like to support my favorite bands by buying merch, going to shows, and now by paying them to play shows in our town. I will keep posting about this because its a huge deal to me. Possibly a future job...?

I have nothing further to bitch about.

I am (NOT) Conformity

I don't care if you read this.
I don't care if you like it.
I don't care id you or anyone hates me.
I am me and thats all that matters.
I am myself.
I am.
How many of you conform?
How many of you die a little everyday?
How many of you pretend so people will like you?
Do you wear a mask?
I don't because I am myself.
I am me.
I am.

Drugstore

I used to love to drive. Just get in my car and blare whatever music I was in the mood for, it was fucking great. With my car all fucked up and with the staggering gas prices it is almost an impossibility. I borrowed my moms car to do it for a little bit today. She needed gas so I put in $15 and went out into the afternoon.

I forget sometimes what a love/hate relationship I have with winter. Driving around town today I was reminded of that very thing. Everything feels so dead in the winter. Even people seem dead. Partly because of the snow, but mostly because the northern hemisphere is tilted away from the sun. Away from the life giver. Looking around at the snow covered ground and at the lifeless trees fills me with a desolate feeling that I love. The same is true for looking at peoples vacant faces. There is never much conversation in the winter either. Mostly people make some comment about how cold it is and move on. I never much cared for having some pointless smalltalk conversation with people, and winter time saves me this inconveniences. Most times when people make their weather comments I don't even answer them. I love feeling confined even to the point of suffocation.

There are certain kinds of music that go along with winter in my mind as well. Industrial is perfect for the gray sunless days of winter. There is an almost winter like sound to industrial. Nine Inch Nails, Stabbing Westward, and Otep are the sound of winter to me, dark enough to match the season, and loud enough to fill its void. Driving much too fast down streets I know don't have stop signs throwing up a cloud of salt behind me I took it all in all the sights of winter all at once. A barrage of dead, depressing, and invigorating wonder. It was beautiful.

I of course had the heat off and the window down so I could chain smoke, and and blast the quiet neighborhoods with and assault of the hideously beautiful sounds of Stabbing Westward. Fueled by caffeine and nicotine I was Thinking out everything that happened in the past few years. Getting married twice to the same girl, Vegas, Mexico, the things that made life worth living I thought about all the bad too the apartment, the band, and being broke. I finally cleared my head. I have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for a little over a year now. I thought either I would break, or I would have to go to a doctor and medicate my feeling away and a vacant winter person all the time. I don't like that option at all. It would give me nothing to look forward to the winter. Instead I am going to drive more. No matter the cost it couldn't cost more than a doctor even at 3 bucks a gallon.

I rediscovered my love of winter, and thought my way out of a nervous breakdown with just an hour long drive. Who needs doctors?

I need something else

I steal from the music business. I steal music and see movies before they hit theaters. Its my drug. I want to do coke, LSD, speed, and smoke weed but I don't. I steal from the internet instead. I have probably stolen $10,000 or more. I also like to steal from the record companies. I feel like I am getting them back for all the shit they make people think is good, and also for ripping off my band. I hate the music business,

I still want drugs though.

I need drugs Pt 2

Fuck the corporate machine.
Fuck the managers.
Fuck the owners.
Fuck the phrase the customer is always right.
Fuck people that think it true.
Fuck the goddamn band.
Fuck the shitty clubs.
Fuck the shitty bands.
Fuck the club owners who only pay $50.
Fuck your mom.
Fuck your whole family.
Fuck me for thinking some of the things I do.
Fuck you for agreeing with that.
Fuck hate.
Fuck racism.
Fuck sexism.
Fuck Homophobes.
Fuck the ignorant.
Fuck those who didn't teach them any better.
Fuck laziness.
Fuck the lazy who make my job harder.
Fuck shitty TV.
Fuck MTV.
Fuck TV in general.
Fuck those who don't read.
Fuck girls who are way too skinny.
Fuck the people who make them think the are still too fat.
Fuck this...

Fucking Pissed!

I am tired of fucking people! Impatient whiny fuckers who feel they should always get their way. The customers at work, my Dad, and anyone else who thinks they are or should be more privileged than others. Fuck you you aren't better than anyone else that your wants and concerns are more important than mine or anyone else's.

Dad grow up. You are 61 years old. Grow the fuck up. You are not the band we are. If we weren't in the band you would be nowhere (even further into nowhere than we are now). You have no idea how ridiculous you look. A 60 something in a metal band with a bunch of 20 somethings. None of us wanted you in the band to begin with. You, who have been "working so hard" for us to make it, IS the reason we haven't made it. YOU HAVE BEEN HOLDING US BACK ALL ALONG. If you really wanted us to make it you would have quit a long time ago. You never cared if WE made it you just wanted to live YOUR dream vicariously through us. You only cared if YOU made it. Well fuck you asshole! I'm fucking done! The show you played without me tonight was the final straw. If you can play without me then I am fucking gone. I am tired of feeling like the expendable one. So fuck it. I am tired of having no weekends because we have shows. So fuck it. I am tired of having no social life because we play every weekend. So fuck it. I have given up so much of my life for thing, and this is how you repay me. I dropped out of collage, gave up 10 years of my life, and have no friends because of it. Fuck you Dad.

To the customers at work, you need to grow up as well. I could expect it from some of the high school kids that come in, but most of the ones we have problems with is the 30 to 60 crowed. Sometimes you are going to have to wait. Not everything is going to be instantaneous. Have we really gotten to the point in society where waiting in line for a few minutes or waiting for the cashier to finish something is excruciating? When did this happen? Have microwaves, debit cards, and other such modern conveniences made almost everyone impatient ass fuckers? Fuck you too. Fuck the lot of you.

Now to the rest of society. If you fall into the impatient ass fucker category, the whiny asshole, or if you feel your issues are more important than others. Fuck you too.

You all need to grow up and realize that you aren't the only person out there. until then...

FUCK OFF AND DIE!

Porn n' Stuff

I think I have actually either become bored or burnt out on porn. Not pictures mind you just movies. I can't seem to keep my attention focused on it for a minute or two at a time, and when I am looking for a clip to watch its getting harder and harder to find one that looks interesting. Its has been coming on for a long time I guess but at the same time it sort of snuck up on me. I don't know if I am just board with regular porn and require something a little more extreme, or if I just am bored with the whole she-bang. Only time shall tell.

I sleep with the TV on and fell asleep last night after work with a Fresh Prince marathon on, and woke up this afternoon to Teen Nick. I haven't watched Nickelodeon since I was about 11 I can safely say I have missed NOTHING. The shows I remember were nothing like this. All of the comedies that have been very slapstick which I normally like but these actors are way over the top. They are so over the top they are like Jim Carey from Ace Venture on speed and crack. Its ridiculous. Although, I gotta say that Miranda chick from iCarly is going to be fucking hot in three years when she is old enough to be hot. So Miranda in three years watch out because I am going to find you and knock the bottom out of you.

I am going to work on some of those video blogs now.

A word of explanation.

I am not really the Devil. I like to use imagery like this to disturb and hopefully enrage people. In truth I don't even believe in The Devil, or God for that matter. I grew up in church. I want those years of my life back. I always had a problem with certain aspects of church, but always figured the "loving creator" knew better than I did, and all would be explained when I died. Over the course of the last 5 years I wised up. I read books on the subject, watched documentary's, and learned everything I could about "God" and religion. A little of what I found out:

The Egyptian god Horus was the Sun (Son) God, He was born in the winter Solstice (December 25th), His birth was marked by a star in the east and was follows by the three kings, He had 12 disciples, He began his teaching at age 30, He died on a cross at age 33, and was resurrected after 3 days.

Sound Familiar?

Every year on December 25th the sun is "born". On winter Solstice a star appears in the east this star is call Bethlehem . Bethlehem lines up exactly with the three stars in Orion's belt those 3 stars are called The Three Kings. The 12 disciples represent the 12 signs of the zodiac. The cross represents the zodiac cross that splits the seasons. Good Friday is when the sun officially "dies" and easter three days later is when the sun is "resurrected".

Horus is not the only god with this story there are dozens dating back to Horus all the way up to Jesus all sharing the same remarkably similar story. Before I learned all of this I was having problems with church, people who go to church, and pretty much everything that goes along with it.

Church goers are supposed to be nicer than the average person on the street when actually nothing could be farther from the truth. In most cases Churchies are more likely to rip you off or stab you in the back than Average Joe American. Churchies in general are intolerant and usually racist motherfuckers. I thought they were supposed to love like Jesus did, but apparently they can pick and choose who.

Pastors are probably the most untrustworthy people on the planet. They always act like your best friend, but it always seems like they have one hand on The Bible and one on your wallet. Not to mention they are always trying to get people to do thing for free (or rather "donate their time" or "make a sacrifice of their time"). Why can't they just pay someone like everyone else? They ever have a problem standing at the pulpit asking for your hard earned cash, but they can't pay you. Wolves in sheep's clothing they are.

Christian music has to be some of the worst music ever recorded. It all sounds the same. I almost think every Christian musician uses the same recording studio and they never change any of the presets and they all use the same instruments and equipment. Contemporary Christian they call it what a load of shit. You either get that, bad pop punk, or the shittiest Death Metal known to man. Talent and individuality are apparently sins.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There have been more wars fought in the name of God and Religion that for any other cause. What kind of "loving God" would want to kill that many of his creation? I read a quote the other day that said: "Why is it there is always enough religion for war, but not enough for tolerance?" How true it is. The whole time I was going to church I felt like an outcast even-more-so than I did in school. For some reason Churchies have a harder time accepting people for who they are worse even than teenagers. Now that I think of it church was worse than school. There were more judgmental clicks than any 10 high schools.

Perhaps I will write more on this subject at a later date. I must shove off to do laundry before I leave for my awesome job. I will for sure talk about that soon.

Later bitches.