Part 1
Part 2
Part3
To see the whole movie go to Zeitgeistmovie.com
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Another Conffesion And Some Other Stuff
I have spit in every taco pizza I have made in the passed 2 months.
Hot Older Hits On Me Lady came into the store again the other night. This lady is super hot and always hits on me. Not that it bothers me mind you, in fact, I actually like it. Its a little weird, but she gave me the best compliment I have ever gotten. She said: "I can see The Devil in your eyes." I was struck. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. I liked it. I know it would be so easy to have sex with her. Easy. She has actually made me think about it. But, I love my wife much too much to do that to her. I couldn't do that to her. Why throw away what we have for a B.J. and God-knows-what-else? Maybe come down with some kind of STD and then give it to my wife. Worse yet she finds out about it and it breaks her precious heart, and ruins our life together. That isn't fair to either of us. Some sad older women is most assuredly not worth hurting the woman I love. Its still nice to be hit on though.
I have also come to the conclusion that my generation got screwed. If you take a look back through history you'll see what I mean. The 60's this generation got to see some exciting changes, the music was good, it was still a time where if you got caught with drugs or booze by the cops they too it and told you yo go home. It was a better time. The 70's also would have been awesome better music than the 60's, it was still a time when the cops would let you go if you got caught, and also you didn't have to worry about AIDS yet. The 80's were ok the music of the 80's was iffy some of it was really good but the bad was horrible, This is when cops started cracking down on kids for drinking and doing drugs, and this was when AIDS came into existence. The 90's was when I grew up. I completely missed the 60's & 70's and was too young for a great deal of the 80's. The music in the 90's was also ok but it was too bitchy and whiny. I liked Soundgarden and Alice In Chains but Nirvana and Pearl Jam suck balls. There was of course a much deeper spectrum of music but these bands were the general consensus. The guitar basically went the way of the buffalo (or so I thought) and songwriting became much more important. This was also the era where "The Drug War" turned the cops into assholes. I must admit it makes it more worth drinking and doing drugs when there is a risk of getting caught, but the way things got was just retarded. Everything went to shit in the 90's. Which brings us to the present. Kids now a days get whatever the hell they want, and there is no risk of consequence. Parents no longer discipline their children and they get away with murder. Sure the drugs and AIDS situation are the same if not worse, but music is better than it ever has been. I am NOT talking about popular music. I mean the metal scene is awesome and there is some other amazing music out there as well. In summation the 90's generation got boned hardcore.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Forever expanding my musical horizons
I listen to a lot of different music. I know everyone says that and then every time you play something in front of them they are all like "I hate this song/band." I, however, mean it. I am always looking for new and awesome music to listen to. Its like I am a hunter scouring the internet for new bands, songs, and styles of music to listen to. I fulfill some ancient instinct by hunting for music. When I find something I devour its carcass with my ears. Listening to its every nuance, note, and beat with a ravenous fervor. My hunger never subsides. I am constantly hunting for more. There will never be enough.
A friend of mine has been in to a band called Rhapsody of Fire for a while now, and told me I should listen to them. I did. After I discovered that they were in fact one of the most awesome bands in the world, I devoured. Which turned me onto Power Metal. I went to Amazon.com and looked at what other people who liked RoF also bought. I discovered that there are hundreds of bands like them. Awesome! Don't get me wrong some of them are shitty, but there is a forest full of thousands of albums to be hunted and devoured. Kamelot, Epica, Demons and Wizards, Iced Earth, the list goes on and on and on. Each band has like 15 albums out. Feast I shall...
There are also a plethora of awesome concerts coming up. There are too many awesome concerts coming up. I have to actually have to pick the ones I want to go to because I literally can't afford to go to them all. There are two bands I promised myself I have to see Machine Head whom I have been into since 94 when their first album came out and have never seen, and Trivium. Trivium is currently not touring, but perhaps they will tour over the summer. Machine Head is currently on tour with 3 other shitty bands and I don't want to pay $40 for a show where the one band I want to see isn't even headlining. In August they are playing a huge festival I shall see them then along with Sevendust, Mastodon, and the always awesome Dragonforce. I also must go to Gigantour this year, the shitty bands are Job For A Cowboy and High on Fire, the awesome bands aer the Mighty Children of Bodom, In Flames, and of course Megadeth. This concert may destroy the earth.
A friend of mine has been in to a band called Rhapsody of Fire for a while now, and told me I should listen to them. I did. After I discovered that they were in fact one of the most awesome bands in the world, I devoured. Which turned me onto Power Metal. I went to Amazon.com and looked at what other people who liked RoF also bought. I discovered that there are hundreds of bands like them. Awesome! Don't get me wrong some of them are shitty, but there is a forest full of thousands of albums to be hunted and devoured. Kamelot, Epica, Demons and Wizards, Iced Earth, the list goes on and on and on. Each band has like 15 albums out. Feast I shall...
There are also a plethora of awesome concerts coming up. There are too many awesome concerts coming up. I have to actually have to pick the ones I want to go to because I literally can't afford to go to them all. There are two bands I promised myself I have to see Machine Head whom I have been into since 94 when their first album came out and have never seen, and Trivium. Trivium is currently not touring, but perhaps they will tour over the summer. Machine Head is currently on tour with 3 other shitty bands and I don't want to pay $40 for a show where the one band I want to see isn't even headlining. In August they are playing a huge festival I shall see them then along with Sevendust, Mastodon, and the always awesome Dragonforce. I also must go to Gigantour this year, the shitty bands are Job For A Cowboy and High on Fire, the awesome bands aer the Mighty Children of Bodom, In Flames, and of course Megadeth. This concert may destroy the earth.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Just a small part
I in the room again. A welcome prison. I love it here in my prison/room. I am hermit. I fear agoraphobia. I never want to leave. I need to leave. I don't know how I got here. I don't know how to get out. I need drugs to sustain myself. Caffeine, Nicotine, and Vicodin keep my blood moving through my veins. Flat soda, bland TV, four walls this is my life. This is my containment. This is my isolation. This is me. The keyboard is my only friend. Tomorrow my wife is taking me to get my Valentine's Day present. My mind will still be here. In my beautiful solitude. Sex is the furthest thing from my mind. She thinks its either that I'm cheating on her or that she is ugly. Neither is the case. I love my wife. I am still trapped by this room. My comfort my destruction.
Comfort Betrays is a great song. It somewhat fits the situation. I only have a few songs I can Identify with. This is one of them. Its a special feel to know someone else was feeling the same way you were and felt it important enough to write a song about it. It almost makes you feel some kind of connection with humanity again. At least a small part of it.
Comfort Betrays is a great song. It somewhat fits the situation. I only have a few songs I can Identify with. This is one of them. Its a special feel to know someone else was feeling the same way you were and felt it important enough to write a song about it. It almost makes you feel some kind of connection with humanity again. At least a small part of it.
The American Govenrment
The system does not work. No one's system works. We just keep heading to hell, and no one either cares or wants to do anything about it. We NEED a change. What needs to change? Almost everything. Education, health care, welfare, the government in general.
First things first, we need to either greatly cut the funding to NASA or get rid of it all together. It is one of the biggest wastes of money in the history of the US. We need to spend 8 trillion to sen a fucking remote control car with a camera on it to Mars so it can take 4 pictures and then break? Bullshit! Its a fucking waste of money. Its good money that could be WELL spent elsewhere.
Education is also a huge fucking mess. The government needs to set guidelines like pick a singular curriculum that ALL schools must follow. That way everyone in the whole country is getting the SAME education. Every 6th grader in the country is working out of the same math book as every other 6th grader. Its all equal. I mentioned this to someone last night that brought up the point of private schools being able to teach their stuff too. Thats fine with me the Christian schools can still teach their Jesus stuff, and the Jewish schools can still teach their Jew stuff, but the would have to use the same gen-ed books as every other school in the country. I have never found it fair that someone who's parents can afford a private school get a better education than someone who's family is too poor to send them to one. Poor kids deserve the same education as rich kids. If you think other wise then you are a douche bag.
I know that almost every country that has it has problems with it, but I really think we need Universal Health Care. We are a a point where enough countries have it that we can look at how each of them is run and see what their problems are and where they made their mistakes so we can try and make the system better. I know that Canada has a huge surgery waiting list. Yes, but America has people who either can't or won't have surgery because they either don't have insurance or can't afford it. SO, what is the difference between that and being on the waiting list? At least if you are on a waiting list you will eventually get the surgery as opposed to never getting it because you can't afford it or because you don't have insurance. It is a flawed system, but so is the one we have now, and I truly believe we can make it work.
I don't care if you agree with this or not. The welfare system needs to be fixed too. It first of all needs to be a temporary aid NOT permanent. It being permanent never gives people any incentive to improve their life at all. the just keep waiting for their checks and waiting for their link cards to be recharged, and it happens month after month so why go get a job? People are so afraid of living in "Poverty" but they refuse to see that poverty is a state of mind. just because you can't run out and buy all the toys you want doesn't mean you are poverty stricken. Poverty is when you can afford food, because your gas bill is $600. I'm sorry you can't afford your ipod but that doesn't mean you are in poverty.
On a final note this Republic we have is not working. I am tired of my vote not really counting. This electoral college bullshit sucks. I am in favor of a cross between socialism and a true democracy. 50/50. A completely new form of government. The American government.
First things first, we need to either greatly cut the funding to NASA or get rid of it all together. It is one of the biggest wastes of money in the history of the US. We need to spend 8 trillion to sen a fucking remote control car with a camera on it to Mars so it can take 4 pictures and then break? Bullshit! Its a fucking waste of money. Its good money that could be WELL spent elsewhere.
Education is also a huge fucking mess. The government needs to set guidelines like pick a singular curriculum that ALL schools must follow. That way everyone in the whole country is getting the SAME education. Every 6th grader in the country is working out of the same math book as every other 6th grader. Its all equal. I mentioned this to someone last night that brought up the point of private schools being able to teach their stuff too. Thats fine with me the Christian schools can still teach their Jesus stuff, and the Jewish schools can still teach their Jew stuff, but the would have to use the same gen-ed books as every other school in the country. I have never found it fair that someone who's parents can afford a private school get a better education than someone who's family is too poor to send them to one. Poor kids deserve the same education as rich kids. If you think other wise then you are a douche bag.
I know that almost every country that has it has problems with it, but I really think we need Universal Health Care. We are a a point where enough countries have it that we can look at how each of them is run and see what their problems are and where they made their mistakes so we can try and make the system better. I know that Canada has a huge surgery waiting list. Yes, but America has people who either can't or won't have surgery because they either don't have insurance or can't afford it. SO, what is the difference between that and being on the waiting list? At least if you are on a waiting list you will eventually get the surgery as opposed to never getting it because you can't afford it or because you don't have insurance. It is a flawed system, but so is the one we have now, and I truly believe we can make it work.
I don't care if you agree with this or not. The welfare system needs to be fixed too. It first of all needs to be a temporary aid NOT permanent. It being permanent never gives people any incentive to improve their life at all. the just keep waiting for their checks and waiting for their link cards to be recharged, and it happens month after month so why go get a job? People are so afraid of living in "Poverty" but they refuse to see that poverty is a state of mind. just because you can't run out and buy all the toys you want doesn't mean you are poverty stricken. Poverty is when you can afford food, because your gas bill is $600. I'm sorry you can't afford your ipod but that doesn't mean you are in poverty.
On a final note this Republic we have is not working. I am tired of my vote not really counting. This electoral college bullshit sucks. I am in favor of a cross between socialism and a true democracy. 50/50. A completely new form of government. The American government.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Postsecret...
sucks because they never post my secrets. So, I am going to do it here.
I couldn't wait for her to turn 18 so there would be fakes on the inter net.
It was worth the wait.
I smoke a pack a day,
and my wife has no idea.
My wife doesn't believe me but I think she has the hottest ass ever.
I fucking HATE that my wife won't dress like this for me
I only watch Food Network with my wife because I think Rachael Ray is hot.
She thinks its because I want to be a chef.
I need a smoke
BAD!
I have a serious foot fetish.
No one has any idea. Not even my wife...
I couldn't wait for her to turn 18 so there would be fakes on the inter net.
It was worth the wait.
I smoke a pack a day,
and my wife has no idea.
My wife doesn't believe me but I think she has the hottest ass ever.
I fucking HATE that my wife won't dress like this for me
I only watch Food Network with my wife because I think Rachael Ray is hot.
She thinks its because I want to be a chef.
I need a smoke
BAD!
I have a serious foot fetish.
No one has any idea. Not even my wife...
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Tirades of Truth
I desperately want a cup of coffee. But, I am trying to quit smoking, and nothing makes me want to smoke more than coffee. The trio of doom I call it; Coffee, Smoking, & Writing. I used to drink pots of coffee, smoke cigarette after cigarette, and take trucker speed with Day Quil so I could stay up and write all night.
To me there is nothing better than the taste of coffee and cigarettes, and the feeling of the keyboard under my fingertips. Nothing in my parents basement except me, the computer, the sound of the keys clicking in my ears, and an almost lethal dose of caffeine, nicotine, and a combo of ephedrine and sudephedrine coursing through my body stimulating my brain to write word after word, sentence after sentence, paragraph after paragraph, page after page.
Someday, maybe it will all be published. Who knows. I always tell people that I will make my mark on society somehow. I used to think it would be through music, but now I don't care how. I just know with every fiber of my being that I will be remembered. I will leave a legacy of my future children. I don't mean to sound like an ass, but its true. I know something I do will be worthwhile. Maybe I'll write a TV show or movie that will change the world, or perhaps write a song, a book, maybe I will go back to school and become a scientist and cure AIDS or Cancer. I just know I will do something and not just fade away like 99% of the population.
Perhaps its time I explained the title of this blog too. The Last Kind Words. It is an album from one of the greatest bands of all time DevilDriver. They refer to the line in The Bible " You will live below angels and above beasts." It basically stands for the fact that it sucks to be human. That God (if there is one) left us here to be his play things, almost like his own private TV show to watch us struggle. Here is the whole song:
DeviDriver-Tirades of Truth
Reaping the wind through this mortal shell
In the wake of destruction this will not fail
Walking through shadows defined by my suffering
Feeding the spirit through divine intervention
Out of the fire, so much for compassion
I've thrown it to desire, in time you'll hear
Tirades of truth
Glazed and angry eyes
Spoken to by the breath of Gods
In the valley of deaths decision
The judgement...listen
The last kind words ever said will be
You will live below angels and above beasts
It's seldom clear the roads to temptation
Are filled with such peril but the human spirit can
Soar, it's more than we can ever be in one lifetime
We need more to become Gods ourselves
To me there is nothing better than the taste of coffee and cigarettes, and the feeling of the keyboard under my fingertips. Nothing in my parents basement except me, the computer, the sound of the keys clicking in my ears, and an almost lethal dose of caffeine, nicotine, and a combo of ephedrine and sudephedrine coursing through my body stimulating my brain to write word after word, sentence after sentence, paragraph after paragraph, page after page.
Someday, maybe it will all be published. Who knows. I always tell people that I will make my mark on society somehow. I used to think it would be through music, but now I don't care how. I just know with every fiber of my being that I will be remembered. I will leave a legacy of my future children. I don't mean to sound like an ass, but its true. I know something I do will be worthwhile. Maybe I'll write a TV show or movie that will change the world, or perhaps write a song, a book, maybe I will go back to school and become a scientist and cure AIDS or Cancer. I just know I will do something and not just fade away like 99% of the population.
Perhaps its time I explained the title of this blog too. The Last Kind Words. It is an album from one of the greatest bands of all time DevilDriver. They refer to the line in The Bible " You will live below angels and above beasts." It basically stands for the fact that it sucks to be human. That God (if there is one) left us here to be his play things, almost like his own private TV show to watch us struggle. Here is the whole song:
In the wake of destruction this will not fail
Walking through shadows defined by my suffering
Feeding the spirit through divine intervention
Out of the fire, so much for compassion
I've thrown it to desire, in time you'll hear
Tirades of truth
Glazed and angry eyes
Spoken to by the breath of Gods
In the valley of deaths decision
The judgement...listen
The last kind words ever said will be
You will live below angels and above beasts
It's seldom clear the roads to temptation
Are filled with such peril but the human spirit can
Soar, it's more than we can ever be in one lifetime
We need more to become Gods ourselves
Thursday, January 31, 2008
You are all sheep
So, President Bush is trying to save us from a recession by sending everyone who made less than $85,000 last year somewhere between $600 & $1200. In theory this could be a decent jumping point to do just that. If, that is, everyone were to be smart with their money. Most people will I'm sure will be fucking stupid though. There are two smart options that would help the economy, but then there are the millions of people who will fuck it all up.
Option number one is if you plan on spending the money. This is a rule you should follow all of the time, but no one really does because they are stupid. Buy only American made products that are sold at small "Mom & Pop" store as opposed to a huge chain store. This will help twofold. One by purchasing American made products you are creating a demand for American workers and products. Instead of buying a Sony TV, DVD player, or whatever it is you desire buy Phillips or some other American product. The more American products you buy the more money (and jobs for that matter) stay in America. By shopping at the Mom & Pop joints you are helping the little guy stay in business. Is it really going to make that big of a difference if you spend $50 less dollars at Wal-Mart? probably not. The extra money you spend there will then in turn stay in your community instead of padding the already overloaded bank account of Wal-Mart.
Smart option #2 would be to pay off then cut up and throw away your credit cards. I know its hard to get along without a credit card these days, but I know from experience that it can be done. If you need to keep one for emergencies fine, But I get along just fine with Pre-Paid cards and a Debit card. The reason this would help would be because it would free up more money that you the consumer would be able to put back into products like I mentioned above. Again it would only work if the products purchased were American made and purchased in small community stores. Any time Americans can get out of debt is a very good thing.
As I said before most people will probably just blow this money on things they don't need and really shouldn't buy. Go ahead America fuck it up again.
Option number one is if you plan on spending the money. This is a rule you should follow all of the time, but no one really does because they are stupid. Buy only American made products that are sold at small "Mom & Pop" store as opposed to a huge chain store. This will help twofold. One by purchasing American made products you are creating a demand for American workers and products. Instead of buying a Sony TV, DVD player, or whatever it is you desire buy Phillips or some other American product. The more American products you buy the more money (and jobs for that matter) stay in America. By shopping at the Mom & Pop joints you are helping the little guy stay in business. Is it really going to make that big of a difference if you spend $50 less dollars at Wal-Mart? probably not. The extra money you spend there will then in turn stay in your community instead of padding the already overloaded bank account of Wal-Mart.
Smart option #2 would be to pay off then cut up and throw away your credit cards. I know its hard to get along without a credit card these days, but I know from experience that it can be done. If you need to keep one for emergencies fine, But I get along just fine with Pre-Paid cards and a Debit card. The reason this would help would be because it would free up more money that you the consumer would be able to put back into products like I mentioned above. Again it would only work if the products purchased were American made and purchased in small community stores. Any time Americans can get out of debt is a very good thing.
As I said before most people will probably just blow this money on things they don't need and really shouldn't buy. Go ahead America fuck it up again.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Infinite Forever
I am better than I have been,
I am not sleeping,
Sleep only comes in waves,
Drugs do nothing to aid,
Bloodshot eyes gaze through a clouded spectrum,
Tomorrow is here and I am unprepared,
The first wave hits like a brick wall,
Sleep dies like a gunshot,
Wave after wave,
In and out,
Pain consumes my brain,
Dirt fills my eyes,
Sleep comes again,
I hope I never wake again,
And I don't...
I am finally asleep,
Forever asleep,
I am better than I have been,
Burning through eternity,
Infinite forever.
The More Things Change
What the hell do I have to say?
I hate the truth.com commercials. I don't hate the cause. Being a semi-ex-smoker (and by that I mean I still smoke whenever I can just not constantly) I think trying to keep kids from even trying it is a VERY good thing, but the commercials are ridiculous. The one where there are 1,500 people standing outside of the cigarette company and they all "drop dead" at once is just gay. The one with the rats was worse. They only one that I did like was the one that had the cowboy with the voice box singing that fucking song. Now THAT was funny as hell. They need to have a singing-voice-box-cowboy in every one. Anyway, goddamn you truth.com stop being so retarded.
I think I may have resolved my issues with the band (we'll see what time tells). We are in talks with a booking company from Chicago, and they seem to be working on getting us some decent shows that actually pay well. Thats all I have ever really wanted from it. I just wanted to write music, play shows, and make enough money that its worth the cost of getting to the show. Every time gas prices go up it makes it less and less worth it to drive 200 miles to a show to make $100 especially since there are 6 of us. I really don't want much. Maybe enough to cover gas and have $50 to put in each of our pockets. The problem is there are so many goddamn shitty fucking bands out there that "just want to play for the exposure" that will play for $60 of worse yet for free, that bars and venues don't want to pay anything anymore. Then the venues expect YOU to pull in a crowed. It is fucking bullshit.
In the near future we are planning to bring a semi-big act to our town and play with them and hopefully make some money. The biggest possibility right now it God Forbid. That is huge because they are one of my favorite bands. Since I get 99.9999% of my music from limewire I like to support my favorite bands by buying merch, going to shows, and now by paying them to play shows in our town. I will keep posting about this because its a huge deal to me. Possibly a future job...?
I have nothing further to bitch about.
I hate the truth.com commercials. I don't hate the cause. Being a semi-ex-smoker (and by that I mean I still smoke whenever I can just not constantly) I think trying to keep kids from even trying it is a VERY good thing, but the commercials are ridiculous. The one where there are 1,500 people standing outside of the cigarette company and they all "drop dead" at once is just gay. The one with the rats was worse. They only one that I did like was the one that had the cowboy with the voice box singing that fucking song. Now THAT was funny as hell. They need to have a singing-voice-box-cowboy in every one. Anyway, goddamn you truth.com stop being so retarded.
I think I may have resolved my issues with the band (we'll see what time tells). We are in talks with a booking company from Chicago, and they seem to be working on getting us some decent shows that actually pay well. Thats all I have ever really wanted from it. I just wanted to write music, play shows, and make enough money that its worth the cost of getting to the show. Every time gas prices go up it makes it less and less worth it to drive 200 miles to a show to make $100 especially since there are 6 of us. I really don't want much. Maybe enough to cover gas and have $50 to put in each of our pockets. The problem is there are so many goddamn shitty fucking bands out there that "just want to play for the exposure" that will play for $60 of worse yet for free, that bars and venues don't want to pay anything anymore. Then the venues expect YOU to pull in a crowed. It is fucking bullshit.
In the near future we are planning to bring a semi-big act to our town and play with them and hopefully make some money. The biggest possibility right now it God Forbid. That is huge because they are one of my favorite bands. Since I get 99.9999% of my music from limewire I like to support my favorite bands by buying merch, going to shows, and now by paying them to play shows in our town. I will keep posting about this because its a huge deal to me. Possibly a future job...?
I have nothing further to bitch about.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
I am (NOT) Conformity
I don't care if you read this.
I don't care if you like it.
I don't care id you or anyone hates me.
I am me and thats all that matters.
I am myself.
I am.
How many of you conform?
How many of you die a little everyday?
How many of you pretend so people will like you?
Do you wear a mask?
I don't because I am myself.
I am me.
I am.
I don't care if you like it.
I don't care id you or anyone hates me.
I am me and thats all that matters.
I am myself.
I am.
How many of you conform?
How many of you die a little everyday?
How many of you pretend so people will like you?
Do you wear a mask?
I don't because I am myself.
I am me.
I am.
Drugstore
I used to love to drive. Just get in my car and blare whatever music I was in the mood for, it was fucking great. With my car all fucked up and with the staggering gas prices it is almost an impossibility. I borrowed my moms car to do it for a little bit today. She needed gas so I put in $15 and went out into the afternoon.
I forget sometimes what a love/hate relationship I have with winter. Driving around town today I was reminded of that very thing. Everything feels so dead in the winter. Even people seem dead. Partly because of the snow, but mostly because the northern hemisphere is tilted away from the sun. Away from the life giver. Looking around at the snow covered ground and at the lifeless trees fills me with a desolate feeling that I love. The same is true for looking at peoples vacant faces. There is never much conversation in the winter either. Mostly people make some comment about how cold it is and move on. I never much cared for having some pointless smalltalk conversation with people, and winter time saves me this inconveniences. Most times when people make their weather comments I don't even answer them. I love feeling confined even to the point of suffocation.
There are certain kinds of music that go along with winter in my mind as well. Industrial is perfect for the gray sunless days of winter. There is an almost winter like sound to industrial. Nine Inch Nails, Stabbing Westward, and Otep are the sound of winter to me, dark enough to match the season, and loud enough to fill its void. Driving much too fast down streets I know don't have stop signs throwing up a cloud of salt behind me I took it all in all the sights of winter all at once. A barrage of dead, depressing, and invigorating wonder. It was beautiful.
I of course had the heat off and the window down so I could chain smoke, and and blast the quiet neighborhoods with and assault of the hideously beautiful sounds of Stabbing Westward. Fueled by caffeine and nicotine I was Thinking out everything that happened in the past few years. Getting married twice to the same girl, Vegas, Mexico, the things that made life worth living I thought about all the bad too the apartment, the band, and being broke. I finally cleared my head. I have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for a little over a year now. I thought either I would break, or I would have to go to a doctor and medicate my feeling away and a vacant winter person all the time. I don't like that option at all. It would give me nothing to look forward to the winter. Instead I am going to drive more. No matter the cost it couldn't cost more than a doctor even at 3 bucks a gallon.
I rediscovered my love of winter, and thought my way out of a nervous breakdown with just an hour long drive. Who needs doctors?
I forget sometimes what a love/hate relationship I have with winter. Driving around town today I was reminded of that very thing. Everything feels so dead in the winter. Even people seem dead. Partly because of the snow, but mostly because the northern hemisphere is tilted away from the sun. Away from the life giver. Looking around at the snow covered ground and at the lifeless trees fills me with a desolate feeling that I love. The same is true for looking at peoples vacant faces. There is never much conversation in the winter either. Mostly people make some comment about how cold it is and move on. I never much cared for having some pointless smalltalk conversation with people, and winter time saves me this inconveniences. Most times when people make their weather comments I don't even answer them. I love feeling confined even to the point of suffocation.
There are certain kinds of music that go along with winter in my mind as well. Industrial is perfect for the gray sunless days of winter. There is an almost winter like sound to industrial. Nine Inch Nails, Stabbing Westward, and Otep are the sound of winter to me, dark enough to match the season, and loud enough to fill its void. Driving much too fast down streets I know don't have stop signs throwing up a cloud of salt behind me I took it all in all the sights of winter all at once. A barrage of dead, depressing, and invigorating wonder. It was beautiful.
I of course had the heat off and the window down so I could chain smoke, and and blast the quiet neighborhoods with and assault of the hideously beautiful sounds of Stabbing Westward. Fueled by caffeine and nicotine I was Thinking out everything that happened in the past few years. Getting married twice to the same girl, Vegas, Mexico, the things that made life worth living I thought about all the bad too the apartment, the band, and being broke. I finally cleared my head. I have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for a little over a year now. I thought either I would break, or I would have to go to a doctor and medicate my feeling away and a vacant winter person all the time. I don't like that option at all. It would give me nothing to look forward to the winter. Instead I am going to drive more. No matter the cost it couldn't cost more than a doctor even at 3 bucks a gallon.
I rediscovered my love of winter, and thought my way out of a nervous breakdown with just an hour long drive. Who needs doctors?
Friday, January 25, 2008
I need something else
I steal from the music business. I steal music and see movies before they hit theaters. Its my drug. I want to do coke, LSD, speed, and smoke weed but I don't. I steal from the internet instead. I have probably stolen $10,000 or more. I also like to steal from the record companies. I feel like I am getting them back for all the shit they make people think is good, and also for ripping off my band. I hate the music business,
I still want drugs though.
I still want drugs though.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
I need drugs Pt 2
Fuck the corporate machine.
Fuck the managers.
Fuck the owners.
Fuck the phrase the customer is always right.
Fuck people that think it true.
Fuck the goddamn band.
Fuck the shitty clubs.
Fuck the shitty bands.
Fuck the club owners who only pay $50.
Fuck your mom.
Fuck your whole family.
Fuck me for thinking some of the things I do.
Fuck you for agreeing with that.
Fuck hate.
Fuck racism.
Fuck sexism.
Fuck Homophobes.
Fuck the ignorant.
Fuck those who didn't teach them any better.
Fuck laziness.
Fuck the lazy who make my job harder.
Fuck shitty TV.
Fuck MTV.
Fuck TV in general.
Fuck those who don't read.
Fuck girls who are way too skinny.
Fuck the people who make them think the are still too fat.
Fuck this...
Fuck the managers.
Fuck the owners.
Fuck the phrase the customer is always right.
Fuck people that think it true.
Fuck the goddamn band.
Fuck the shitty clubs.
Fuck the shitty bands.
Fuck the club owners who only pay $50.
Fuck your mom.
Fuck your whole family.
Fuck me for thinking some of the things I do.
Fuck you for agreeing with that.
Fuck hate.
Fuck racism.
Fuck sexism.
Fuck Homophobes.
Fuck the ignorant.
Fuck those who didn't teach them any better.
Fuck laziness.
Fuck the lazy who make my job harder.
Fuck shitty TV.
Fuck MTV.
Fuck TV in general.
Fuck those who don't read.
Fuck girls who are way too skinny.
Fuck the people who make them think the are still too fat.
Fuck this...
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Fucking Pissed!
I am tired of fucking people! Impatient whiny fuckers who feel they should always get their way. The customers at work, my Dad, and anyone else who thinks they are or should be more privileged than others. Fuck you you aren't better than anyone else that your wants and concerns are more important than mine or anyone else's.
Dad grow up. You are 61 years old. Grow the fuck up. You are not the band we are. If we weren't in the band you would be nowhere (even further into nowhere than we are now). You have no idea how ridiculous you look. A 60 something in a metal band with a bunch of 20 somethings. None of us wanted you in the band to begin with. You, who have been "working so hard" for us to make it, IS the reason we haven't made it. YOU HAVE BEEN HOLDING US BACK ALL ALONG. If you really wanted us to make it you would have quit a long time ago. You never cared if WE made it you just wanted to live YOUR dream vicariously through us. You only cared if YOU made it. Well fuck you asshole! I'm fucking done! The show you played without me tonight was the final straw. If you can play without me then I am fucking gone. I am tired of feeling like the expendable one. So fuck it. I am tired of having no weekends because we have shows. So fuck it. I am tired of having no social life because we play every weekend. So fuck it. I have given up so much of my life for thing, and this is how you repay me. I dropped out of collage, gave up 10 years of my life, and have no friends because of it. Fuck you Dad.
To the customers at work, you need to grow up as well. I could expect it from some of the high school kids that come in, but most of the ones we have problems with is the 30 to 60 crowed. Sometimes you are going to have to wait. Not everything is going to be instantaneous. Have we really gotten to the point in society where waiting in line for a few minutes or waiting for the cashier to finish something is excruciating? When did this happen? Have microwaves, debit cards, and other such modern conveniences made almost everyone impatient ass fuckers? Fuck you too. Fuck the lot of you.
Now to the rest of society. If you fall into the impatient ass fucker category, the whiny asshole, or if you feel your issues are more important than others. Fuck you too.
You all need to grow up and realize that you aren't the only person out there. until then...
FUCK OFF AND DIE!
Dad grow up. You are 61 years old. Grow the fuck up. You are not the band we are. If we weren't in the band you would be nowhere (even further into nowhere than we are now). You have no idea how ridiculous you look. A 60 something in a metal band with a bunch of 20 somethings. None of us wanted you in the band to begin with. You, who have been "working so hard" for us to make it, IS the reason we haven't made it. YOU HAVE BEEN HOLDING US BACK ALL ALONG. If you really wanted us to make it you would have quit a long time ago. You never cared if WE made it you just wanted to live YOUR dream vicariously through us. You only cared if YOU made it. Well fuck you asshole! I'm fucking done! The show you played without me tonight was the final straw. If you can play without me then I am fucking gone. I am tired of feeling like the expendable one. So fuck it. I am tired of having no weekends because we have shows. So fuck it. I am tired of having no social life because we play every weekend. So fuck it. I have given up so much of my life for thing, and this is how you repay me. I dropped out of collage, gave up 10 years of my life, and have no friends because of it. Fuck you Dad.
To the customers at work, you need to grow up as well. I could expect it from some of the high school kids that come in, but most of the ones we have problems with is the 30 to 60 crowed. Sometimes you are going to have to wait. Not everything is going to be instantaneous. Have we really gotten to the point in society where waiting in line for a few minutes or waiting for the cashier to finish something is excruciating? When did this happen? Have microwaves, debit cards, and other such modern conveniences made almost everyone impatient ass fuckers? Fuck you too. Fuck the lot of you.
Now to the rest of society. If you fall into the impatient ass fucker category, the whiny asshole, or if you feel your issues are more important than others. Fuck you too.
You all need to grow up and realize that you aren't the only person out there. until then...
FUCK OFF AND DIE!
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